Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?

A: An abdominal snowman

Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?

A: “Wrap” music

Q: What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A: A pineapple!

Kneeling in front of the fireplace, a boy exclaimed: “Dear Santa, I WANT A NINTENDO SWITCH!” After a slight silence: “Dear Santa, I WANT A NINTENDO SWITCH!” And again: “Dear Santa, I WANT A NINTENDO SWITCH!” At this moment, his father intervened: “It’s not worth shouting like this: Santa Claus is not deaf!” And the kid replied: “Santa is perhaps not deaf … but grandmother is!”

Funny how the year you stop believing in Santa is roughly the year you start getting socks and clothes for Christmas

I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December, but it was just the season’s greetings.

Entering  Heaven

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes  Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carol’s.”